My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
