he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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