fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
