It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
