I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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