honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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