I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
