Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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