Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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