You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
cat food counts as protein by the way
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
