Can i not drive my cunt home
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
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