My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
