you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
