I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
