nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize