vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize