My underwear smells like fireworks.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize