We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
