So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
