I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
