so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
