Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
