Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
