Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
