Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
