Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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