Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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