You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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