Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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