that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
