Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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