u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
time to smoke my breakfast
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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