At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
