I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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