Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
