I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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