Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
