3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
