did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
