Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
