that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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