she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
