The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I stole a fireplace last night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
