The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
