I think I won the penis lottery.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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