You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
