matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
