i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
