i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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