I am puke
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Randomize
