that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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