I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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