I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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