Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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