some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
