A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
