It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
