i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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