She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
