I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
